staying connected to your partner
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Having a chronic health issue can be like a third partner in your relationship. No matter what you’re doing, it wants to stick its nose in and say “hey there, don’t forget about me”. It can be beyond annoying, so it’s important that I do things to help keep that connection as a couple. Another change is that I’m no longer working and Marc is very busy with his job, so our schedules and energy levels are different.
For you, it may be that you’re both very busy with your own jobs, have conflicting schedules, or have kids that keep you busy. Whatever the reason, trying to stay connected at different stages of our lives is important and can take extra thought and effort. Here are a few things that I try to incorporate into our lives.
15-minute decompress time – When one or both of you get home at the end of the day, give each other space to change gears. It’s never fun to walk in the door and get bombarded by your partner with questions or requests. Change into something more comfortable or do whatever ritual that helps you shift from work to home time.
One thing to talk about at dinner – Each person brings one thought to discuss at dinner. It doesn’t have to be deep or mind blowing, but just one tidbit to start a little conversation. Whether it’s some news you heard in the world, something about a person you know, or something that happened that day. Even your silliest thought can be a fun conversation starter. It’s fun also during the day when something happens, you start thinking “I can’t wait to talk about it at dinner”.
No Worries Date Night or Day – My ex in-laws used to have a “why worry club”. This was a small group of couples who got together for dinner regularly and the only rule was no talking about troubles, kids, jobs, anything that was stressful. You of course could put together a group, but if that isn’t an option, make it just for yourselves. What you do is completely up to you but no discussing the parent-teacher conference coming up, your sore knee, or the report that’s due next week.
Go for an after-dinner walk – Taking a 15-minute stroll together after dinner is a great way wind down your day and reconnect. It’s not a heavy exercising walk but a stroll. Italians call it passeggiata, meaning a short walk taken purely for pleasure.
Tell your partner - I love you, I appreciate you, or thank you for …. After being together for a while you may think that your partner already knows these things, but saying them regularly makes both partners feel connected. It doesn’t need to be a conversation, even just a quick text when you’re both having a busy day can bring a moment of joy.
What are things that you do stay connected to your partner?
